Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Why I hate men

When we met in college, Bob never liked chocolate. He was a salt guy all the way. I guess salty snacks go better with beer.

Me? I have the distinction of not really caring where my snacks come from. As long as they are food. Chocolate? Yum. Pretzels? Yum. Put 'em together? Even better.

The problem with that, of course, is that I have the potential to grow to be 500 pounds. Thankfully, I've kept the 500 lbs down to a minimum - haven't gotten there yet. But, as I'm sure you can all relate, eat a piece of chocolate, gain a pound. Right? Well, Bob has always been able to make the switch from beer to light beer and lose 5 pounds. Asshole.

Then, one year ago this month, he quit drinking. Completely. (SO proud of him, BTW!) That's not really the point of this post, though. Here is. WTF is up with him? He's hogging all the chocolate. All of a sudden, he's barking up the chocolate tree, shaking the branches, and all MY chocolate is falling out. He eats chocolate ice cream while watching the 11:00 news. "Honey, want some, too?" Asshole. Where are his salty snacks, dammit? I'm still buying them for him. Well, since he has no interest, and I'm an equal opportunity snacker, guess who is eating all that salt? And we all know it's just so good to retain all that water when you eat salty snacks. Needless to say, he quit drinking, lost 10 pounds WHILE EATING ALL MY CHOCOLATE, I'm eating all the salty snacks and gaining a buttload of water weight, and not getting my chocolate.

Can you tell it's PMS time? I hate men.

8 People Gabbed:

Holly said...

Totally unrelated, but I just saw that you still have Poison Study in your TBR. Read it already, will you? Fab book!

Anyway..I hate men, too. I'm sure it has something to do with the penis. The penis is evil.

nath said...

LOL, hilarious!!! Well you know, no beer so no need of salty snack anymore... think about it this way, you finish this batch and you won't need to buy anymore...

Wow, 10 pounds... lucky him.

Casee said...

Men are such bastards. My husband just lost 5lbs w/o even trying.

I'm bitter.

yaddayaddayaddablahblahblah said...

Men are so thoughtless that way.

Rosie said...

Wow Holly, I always blame the penis too. Last year at a family party my nephew even said (with a sigh no less) "I know, I know, it's because I have a penis, right?"

Which of course, was the reason.

GG had a fast burning metabolism until 50 hit. Now he has to diet like everyone else. Ask me if I feel bad about 25 years with a man who could eat or drink anything with impunity. Yeah, not so much.

Stacy~ said...

Oh doesn't that just make you wanna scream? And men wonder why they always piss women off? Just by breathing, since they can lose weight that way.

Lori said...

I agree with you all! Men just suck. (of course after next week, I may feel differently, LOL).

As a follow up, I had to post, Like Father, Like Son over at LITHOT. astards, all of them.

Lori said...

Oh, and I knew you would all understand. Thank you!