As many of you know, I recently went back to work full time, after many years of part time. Not by choice, but out of necessity (I was told go full time or beat it). Well, not in those exact words, but... my paycheck was too good to pass up the full time "opportunity".
I talked it over with the kids, who agreed that they could handle the added responsibility, and the hubby, who agreed he could get up 15 minutes earlier in the mornings to get the kids up.
Everyone is handling it fine, except for me *wailing*. I miss my family! All of a sudden, my 9-1 days have turned into leave the house at 7 and return at 5, if I'm lucky. Deadlines suck.
My older son is going through pre-teen hormonal changes - if he was a girl I'd be thinking he was about to start his period any minute! But I can't help thinking that if I was home with him in the afternoons, he'd be less moody, less nasty, less sensitive, less... everything. Yes, he was like this before I went back full time, but still, it's that damn motherly guilt. Here's an equation for you:
Mother's guilt + Jewish guilt = Jewish Mother's guilt. OY. I'm doomed!!!!!!!!!!
It will get better, right? How do you work-away-from-homers handle it? I'm losing my mind. I want to be with my family. I know I will eventually work it out, but when, dammit? (wow - note to self: whining is really unbecoming!)
Phew, whine fest over. Now to get through tomorrow...
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Wallowing in my own self pity... just for a minute
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5 People Gabbed:
Similar hours here Lori. Leave home with my 3-year old at 7 AM, drop him at daycare and go to work. Pick him up from daycare at 5:15 PM, arrive home by 6 PM. I wish I could tell you it gets easier.
For me, I find the summer weeks easier because it is lighter later into the evening--makes it seem like I have more awake, non-working time with him. Winter of course is the hardest because we leave home in the dark and return home in the dark. Blech.
Throw off that guilt. You're doing what you have to do and before this, you stayed home with them--when they were wee little. Don't discount how important that is. You're a great Mom.
Who is ALLOWED to wallow whenever you need to.
Jen
P.S. Wallow time is over. Get back to work. *g*
You know, it's funny. I didn't have the guilt when I worked full time when they were little, because they didn't know any differently. I went part time when my oldest started first grade so that I could be home to help with homework, etc...
So now that the kids don't really remember anything different, I'm feeling the guilt.
I hope I will get over it eventually. It won't rule my life, but it sure makes me feel awful.
*Sending hugs* You are a wonderful mother and as soon as everyone falls into a routine, your guilt will ease.
(((HUGS))) Lori. You're doing a WONDERFUL job adjusting. It takes time, and I for one know you are a wonderful mother. : )
Thank you all for your support. Even though I have never met any of you live and in person, you are truly the most wonderful supportive friends! I can't wait for June to give you big hugs in person!
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