I'm at the end of my rope where my 15-1/2 year old is concerned. He gets the worst grades and all because he doesn't do his damn homework. I just don't get it! He's like me.... he learns easily. All he has to do is do his homework and he'll easily skate through with B's and C's. What's the problem, right? Well the little #*%*#!#!! won't do his homework and thus came home with THREE D's on his report card! Yes, THREE D's. I'm at my wit's end. Seriously. We've tried everything with the little bugger. We've taken away his video games, grounded his ass to the house (which makes us suffer), taken away TV... we've taken away any source of enjoyment for him and he STILL won't do his homework.
So, he's old enough now to start Driver's Education. Well, here's the problem with that. I follow my Dad's philosophy here... if he wants the responsibility of driving, he needs to get a job to pay for his gas and at least half of his insurance. Fair, right? Well, if he can't get good grades now, how can I expect him to get them when he's got a job?
So, I tell him in the car on the way home from picking him up from school that the Driver's Ed classes which he would have started next Monday are out. Then when I turn to look at him he has a cocky look on his face which pisses me off even more than the THREE D's. Can you believe such shit? Does the boy have a death wish, I wonder? So, I think a minute. Use your brain Anne. Light bulb goes on. I then proceed to tell him he may be looking all cocky now, but when he's one of the only ones in his class who doesn't have his driver's license, he's going to be looking pretty stupid. The cocky look turned to a frown. *high five* I was feeling mighty smug about that one.
*long drawn out sigh* So, I had to be a hard ass. When we got home, I made him look up the phone number and recite it out loud while I dialed and made him stand there while I took him out of those classes. I don't like being mean, I really, really don't. I want him to go through Driver's Ed and get his license because it's a great time in a teenager's life, right? But I'll be damned if I'm going to reward his punky little ass for bringing home D's!
I don't know about you all, but I'd never even consider coming home with a D for fear of my Dad's wrath, and now my son comes home with three. Any suggestions out there on how to deal with this since I can't beat his ass to a pulp like our parents did to us?
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
What Would You Do?
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I raised twin boys (19 now & both in college) and it was pretty tough at times. I think that the worst age was 14-17. Those three years were very hard. The boys were growing but not maturing, they wanted to have fun, they had hormones coming out of their ears, LOL.
It's probably a good idea not to reward bad behavior. What I did was take their worst subject (math and calculus) and hire a tutor to come and give them lessons every week. It took a bite out of my budget, but it was worth it. Working one on one with a teacher got them back on track in school. When their math grades went back up, the other grades followed.
I don't know if this will help - but sometimes just taking their schoolwork problems seriously can jar them out of their bad grade slump.
Good Luck!!
It is definitely a boy thing. Had the same exact thing with my son. Swear i wondered at times if he'd even make it thorugh high school. He did and is now in college, but I swear for three years (those years Sam mentioned) I had to be the meanest hardest assed mother in the world and I simply had to out stubborn him and wait for the realization to sink in that what I was saying was true and that I meant what I said.
Hugs and hang in there.
Thanks Sam and Sarah for the words of wisdom. It's going to be a trying time, but we'll make it through relatively unscathed. :)
Damn, you guys are bumming me out - I'm almost at that age with my straight A boy kid. (*crossing fingers* that he will stay that way.)
Anne, we have always had the rule that the kids do their homework as soon as they come in the door - at the kitchen table so I can keep an eye on them, and I actually check it afterwards to see that it's done. I don't always check for accuracy - they have to get an honest grade at school, but I always look at the papers to make sure they are complete. If he tells you he doesn't have any homework, tell him you know that's BS. Ask his teachers to email you every couple days with the assignments - Bob is a high school teacher and has done that for parents in the past.
Holding back the DL is a definite - good call. Let him know the insurance difference for a "good student" and one who doesn't qualify, and let him know the expense is coming out of his pocket as well.
Hang in there!
My son (identical situation to yours), actually did better with his schoolwork after he had a job. I believe the reason for this was that he had to budget his time. (We also took away computer time, game time, etc.) However, the child did not get his DL until 17 - but has maintained his good student discount since then (he has to pay for his car, ins., gas and repairs and also his cell phone). We are now going thru a different version of passive resistance with the daughter. She is resistant to the idea of working. Thus she is digging in her heels on the job search,but still wants her DL. (No deal until the job; the ins. rates go up as soon as she gets the DL).
Stick to your guns and hang in there. Being consistent and gritting your teeth alot helps. Also, think about the things you really like about him!
{{hugs}} Ann!
I SO know what you're going through. I live with not one, not two, but THREE teenage boys. All overdosed on testosterone and teenage pride. UGH. And they KNOW you can't beat the crap out of them, so they strut around acting like they can get away with anything. You've got to stay strong. You've got to be extremely consistent (wavering is perceived as weakness). It's a war--getting that boy from boyhood to manhood. Take each battle at a time, and hang in there. Those three years are long and grueling, for both you and him. In the end, if you stay strong, he'll come out a man (instead of a kid who can't take care of himself).
Tawny
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